We love mums... Thanks to sxc.hu
It’s under a week to go until Mother’s Day, time for women across the land to start the hint-dropping. Yes, I can see some eyes rolling at yet another ‘day’ invented by the marketing men to sell cards. Well, you’d be wrong Mother’s Day has a long and prestigious past. In fact, in the beginning it wasn’t called Mother’s Day at all…
Dormouse, claret and a day at the bath-house – what more could a mother ask?
Let us head back through the mists of time. It’s March 18th in pre-Christian Rome and the good citizens have hung up their breast-plates and put up their be-sandalled feet to celebrate the festival of Hilaria (no laughing in the back please..) held in honour of the mother goddess. After a feast of dormouse washed down with a good claret, no doubt Marcus and Sextus will do the washing-up and pack mum off to the bathhouse for the afternoon.
One day-off a year…
Zooming forward a century or five and, with the dawn of Christianity, Hilaria becomes Laetare Sunday (or the tempting sounding Pudding Pie Sunday if you’re lucky enough to live in Surrey).
It’s a day when everyone, including the Downton-style domestic servant, returns to their home church to go “a-mothering”. For many families it’s the only day in the year when they can all be together – weekends, soggy family-trips to Bognor and even ‘days-off’ have yet to be invented.
Much mirth and merriment is had in true Ye Olde England-style; the kids give mum a bunch of spring flowers then she enjoys her extra portion of mead and a large slice of Simnel cake whilst relaxing in her yearly bath.
The Saviour of Mothering Sunday…
We’re up to 1920′s now and the concept of Mothering Sunday is falling by the wayside – the church is less central to life and families have been torn apart by the First World War. Enter the doughty Constance Penswick-Smith who creates the Mothering Sunday Movement.
Come the Second World War, homesick American and Canadian soldiers posted in the UK import their idea of Mother’s Day, less about church and more about giving mum a break. And so the religious and secular festivals intermingle to give us the Mother’s Day we know and love – a strange mix of daffodils, church and fluffy teddies from Clinton’s Cards. But let’s not forget what this festival meant to start with: a celebration of all the mother goddesses out there!
The Perfect Mother’s Day:
Forget the history, any dads reading this will want to know how to give the mother of their children a day to remember. Well fear-not Dads, we did the research for you and asked some of our NBS Facebook regulars what their ideal day would include. Tea at the ritz? A posh frock? It seems not…
Ana Carolina Taylor Going out for the day – a meal and then something fun with the family :) I like simple things, a pub meal and a stroll by the river, maybe take the little one to an amazing place like an aquarium.
Christie Howe Last year was my perfect Mothers Day, my gorgeous daughter arrived! Not sure how to top that! A good start might be a little lie in & some breakfast in bed, followed by a walk on the beach and a long lazy lunch. Shared with a giggly baby, crazy dog and generous husband!
Lily del Ruby A lie in, breakfast in bed and a long (solitary) hot bath. Hmm wonder if my 8mo will come through for me…? ;D
Thanks for sharing that ladies 
NBS’ Mother’s Day Goodie Pick:
- A nappy bag to make mum smile, during March £10 from each bag goes to CLIC Sargent child’s cancer care. More details>>
- Boo Boo’s Mummy and Me Pamper Kit, the perfect accompaniment to a long hot bath:
- And for all the mums-to-be, Womama’s elegant organic cotton birthing-wrap:
Happy Mother’s Day from all at Natural Baby Shower xxx
Patsy Palmer and celebrity chef Annabel Karmel launch Yummy Mummy Week
Patsy Palmer has a special place in the nation’s heart. Playing Bianca, flame-haired doyenne of Eastenders and lover of the ever-hard-done-by Rikkaaay; her turns on Strictly and Comic Relief; and then recently her return to the nation’s favourite soap.
This week, she’s taking on a new and challenging role, that of Yummy Mummy Supreme. From 10th-18th March, she’s promoting Yummy Mummy Week for CLIC Sargent cancer support. Mums across the country meet-up to eat cake and raise money for kids with cancer and their families.
Everyday ten families are told their child has cancer.
CLIC Sargent is the only organisation to offer them all round care and support which is both emotional and practical: specialist nurses, play support, social care and help with grant and benefit applications.
“Money is the last thing you want to think about when your child has cancer, you just want to be with them. We both had to give up work and were really struggling financially so our CLIC Sargent social worker helped us get a grant from the charity and apply for other benefits,” explains Amy who’s daughter Lillie has been diagnosed with cancer.
Do Something Yummy!
Yummy Mummy Week is about raising money and showing solidarity with families facing such a huge challenge. As well as coffee and cake mornings, there are fun runs-and even fun-swims – swimmers wear pink cossies!
Want to take part? Click here for more details.
At Natural Baby Shower, we are really keen to support CLIC Sargent’s amazing work. So we’re giving £10 to the charity for every Pink Lining nappy bag we sell during March.
The perfect Yummy Mummy accessory, the bags come in lovely (and very S/S2012) pastel shades of blue, green and pink – the cupcakes embroidered on the side make us smile as well.
My adorable three-year-old mum at her Godmother's wedding
Eleven weeks and counting. Yes, that’s eleven weeks until my man and I tie the knot – with our two-year-old in tow. By necessity, I am not a bridezilla. How can I agonise over table decorations and favours when a toddler is crawling over my head? (I’m not even sure what favours are – please feel free to enlighten me in the comments box below…)
A calm bride?
I feel strangely calm about the whole event, and slightly bewildered by how obsessed – to the point of fetishisation, dare I say it – we all seem to be about weddings. Magazines, my peers and the world at large assume that for at least six months leading up to the happy event I must spend every waking hour on ‘wedmin’: planning every detail – from the exact colour scheme of the flowers in the venue, to what my bridesmaids will wear on their feet. And perhaps if I had the time I would… perhaps.
But I don’t because supper needs to be on the table, The Gruffalo’s Child needs to be read, and roly polys and dancing around the room all take priority.
For me, the most important things are the ceremony – and the big ol’ party afterwards. The opportunity to stand up in front of my family and my dearest friends and to say: “I love this man.”
When is the right time?
Perhaps we are doing it ‘the wrong’ way around. A couple of generations back I would have waddled up the aisle heavily pregnant and brimming with resentment.
Now, nudging slowly towards our mid-thirties, we may not be star-crossed young lovers with our whole future ahead of us, but we are sure that this is what we want.
We’ve lived the future that babies bring: feeling our daughter’s in-my-tummy kicks for the first time, enduring the emotional and physical pain of labour, and the long, hard nights those first newborn months bring. Like animal-skin over a well-used drum, we’ve stretched our relationship to the limits and made some noise in the process. But we’re still together.
So when we say “I do”: we’ll mean it.
Tips from my wedding journey – so far…
- We’ve chosen to ask my family to be heavily involved. Now, like most families, mine is loving, warm… and complicated so yes, a few tensions have arisen along the way. BUT, on the flip side, in the last few months the wedding has been a great excuse to meet up, to talk on the phone and generally to spend more time together. Their moral, practical and financial support has been invaluable. Sadly, Marc’s family is based in New Zealand – we are possibly planning a Skype link-up with them – I’d love to hear from anyone who’s pulled this off at a wedding?
- Make a long list – stick it on the wall, and try to do one small task per day (easier said than done, I know!).
- Pinterest is a great way to organise ideas and inspirations. Here’s my wedding Pinterest page. It’s an invite only site at the moment so ask a friend who’s already a member to invite you or DM @Natbabyshower or leave a request in the comments box here and I can invite you.
Has anyone else got any wedding-with-a- little-one- involved tips or advice? I’d love to hear…And if your friends would enjoy this post feel free to share it
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care
Babies are little bundles of energy! They don’t want to lie still to have their diapers changed. They cry, fuss, or even crawl away. A simple issue can turn into a major tug-of-war between parent and baby.
Diaper changing as a ritual
The position of parent and baby during a diaper change is perfect for creating a bonding experience between you. You are leaning over your baby, and your face is at the perfect arms-length distance for engaging eye contact and communication. What’s more, this golden opportunity presents itself many times during each day; no matter how busy you both get, you have a few moments of quiet connection. It’s too valuable a ritual to treat it as simply maintenance.
Nappy changing can be a great bonding experience
Learning about your baby
Diapering offers a perfect opportunity for you to truly absorb your baby’s cues and signals. You’ll learn how his little body works, what tickles him, what causes those tiny goose bumps. As you lift, move, and touch your baby, your hands will learn the map of his body and what’s normal for him. This is important because it will enable you to easily decipher any physical changes that need attention.
Developing trust
Regular diaper changes create rhythm in your baby’s world and afford the sense that the world is safe and dependable. They are regular and consistent episodes in days that may not always be predictable. Your loving touches teach your baby that he is valued, and your gentle care teaches him that he is respected.
A learning experience for your baby
Your baby does a lot of learning during diaper changes. It’s one of the few times that she actually sees her own body without clothes, when she can feel her complete movements without a wad of diaper between her legs. Diaper-off time is a great chance for her to stretch her limbs and learn how they move.
During changing time, your baby is also a captive audience to your voice, so she can focus on what you are saying and how you are saying it — an important component of her language learning process. Likewise, for a precious few minutes, you are her captive audience, so you can focus on what she’s saying and how she is saying it — crucial to the growth of your relationship.
What your baby thinks and feels
Many active babies could not care less if their diapers are clean. They’re too busy to concern themselves with such trivial issues. It may be important to you, but it’s not a priority for your child.
Diaper rash or uncomfortable diapers (wrong size or bad fit) can make him dread diaper changes, so check these first. Once you’re sure all the practical issues are covered, make a few adjustments in this unavoidable process to make it more enjoyable.
Take a deep breath
Given the number of diapers you have to change, it’s possible that what used to be a pleasant experience for you has gotten to be routine, or even worse, a hassle. When parents approach diaper changing in a brisk, no-nonsense way, it isn’t any fun for Baby. Try to reconnect with the bonding experience that diaper changing can be — a moment of calm in a busy day when you share one-on-one time with your baby.
Have some fun
This is a great time to sing songs, blow tummy raspberries, or do some tickle and play. A little fun might take the dread out of diaper changes for both of you. A game that stays fresh for a long time is “hide the diaper.” Put a new diaper on your head, on your shoulder, or tucked in your shirt and ask, “Where’s the diaper? I can’t find it!” A fun twist is to give the diaper a name and a silly voice, and use it as a puppet. Let the diaper call your child to the changing station and have it talk to him as you change it. (If you get tired of making Mister Diaper talk, just remember what it was like before you tried the idea.)
Use distraction
Keep a flashlight with your changing supplies and let your baby play with it while you change him. Some kids’ flashlights have a button to change the color of the light, or shape of the ray. Call this his “diaper flashlight” and put it away when the change is complete. You may find a different type of special toy that appeals to your little one, or even a basket of small interesting toys. If you reserve these only for diaper time, they can retain their novelty for a long time.
Try a stand-up diaper
If your baby’s diaper is just wet (not messy), try letting her stand up while you do a quick change. If you’re using cloth diapers, have one leg pre-pinned so that you can slide it on like pants, or opt for pre-fitted diapers that don’t require pins.
Time to potty train?
If your child is old enough and seems ready for the next step, consider potty training.
This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)
A Travel Mattress from NaturalMat
Guest post from Natasha Dyer of Naturalmat.
Managing sleep for babies and young children is one of the most common concerns for new parents especially when it comes to choosing the right mattress.
Sleep is the single most important ingredient to a healthy, happy life for both parents and baby! Without sleep, energy levels drop, immune systems crash and tempers flare. We all want to ensure that our children have the best start in life and that means plenty of good sleep in a safe, comfortable and natural environment.
There is a growing concern about the types of chemicals pumped into standard baby mattresses on the market. When a baby sleeps on a mattress, which can be 10-14 hours a day, their breath inhales air no more than six inches away from the chemicals it’s made from. The possible side effects include allergies, rashes, asthma, seizures, chemical sensitivities and behavioural problems when exposed to toxic chemicals.
Standard polyurethane mattresses are not a wise choice for many reasons:
- Polyurethane foam is extremely flammable and to combat this hazard, industrial fire retardants are added to the fillings and covering mattress materials.
- Crib, cot and cot bed mattresses made from polyurethane can be very thin, dip very quickly and do not offer a good level of support for the child.
- Mattress life is very short.
Most existing baby mattresses have a plastic PVC cover which prevents air circulating through the mattress, increasing the chances of the baby overheating. It is not only dangerous for a baby to overheat but also causes discomfort and disrupted sleep.
The Natural Alternative
The Natural Mat Company makes handmade crib, cot, cot-bed and single-bed mattresses from 100% natural fibres including coir (coconut husk) from the only organic coir plantation in the world. No chemicals are used in the manufacture and the mattresses have been proven to make babies sleep better thanks to a greater level of support and comfort experienced by the baby.
There are many added benefits in choosing a natural fibre mattress for your child:
- Breathability – Natural fibres such as coir, latex, mohair, lambswool and 100% cotton are all breathable fibres. Babies are temperature sensitive and need good ventilation for them to sleep comfortably and safely. Natural mattresses allow a constant circulation of air through the mattress.
- Non-allergenic – It is important to keep a child’s sleeping environment as dust-mite free as possible as they are the main cause of allergies including Asthma. Dust mites cannot live in natural latex or organic coir and our lambswool is treated with a natural insecticide derived from lavender, lemon and eucalyptus, which makes it anti dust-mite.
- Naturally Fire Retardant – The Natural Mat Company are the only UK mattress manufacturer to pass the British Safety Standards without using chemical fire retardants.
- Long Lasting Superior Support – Natural fibres are more durable, resilient, supportive and provide a natural spring.
Naturalmat matresses are now available to order from our shop.
Love healthy food!
Pre-schooler’s food. It’s a touchy subject – either they don’t eat enough, or there’s an ongoing battle to hold back the tide of cakes and sweets. Childhood obesity is a growing problem, as Jamie Oliver makes brutally clear in this TED talk. Of course it is about extreme cases in America, but where our transatlantic friends go, we are likely to follow.
Thankfully, the School Food’s Trust today launched detailed guidelines on healthy food for preschoolers. A week’s meal plan plus simple, seasonal recipes that have been tested by childminders, with portion sizes adapted to different preschool ages are now available for free online here.
The information is tailored to childminders and nurseries, but can be easily adapted by parents. They’d work really well for any parents doing baby-lead weaning (you can find more info on what that is here). Ideas include: fish pie and sweet potato topping, mixed bean and root vegetable stew, beef lasagne and chickpea curry – anyone’s mouth watering yet?
Who doesn't love lasagne?
I always have great intentions when it comes to meal planning, but I often find myself winging-it on a daily basis – and the worrying unconsciously that I’m short-changing my daughter when it comes to healthy food.
Realistically though, I don’t have the time nor the nutritional knowledge to sit down every week and plan out meals that will definitely meet my 2 year-old’s nutritional requirements. This week though, I’m going to print out the School Trust’s meal plan and recipes and take them to the supermarket with me – job done!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-16554688
Merino Kids Cocooi Baby Wrap - Natural £34.50
Merino kidswear. You’ve probably heard of it, but why is everyone is talking about this superfine wool and its amazing properties?
Well basically unlike, cotton which lacks insulation when it’s cold but can be damp when a baby is too hot and perspires, or polyester which can lead to overheating, merino keeps your baby warm when it’s cold and cool when it’s hot and absorbs moisture so your little one is never clammy. (Check out the diagram further down the page).
Warm when it's cold, cool when it's hot: Bambino Merino Sleepsuit - Sky. Was: £26.95 now: £24.26
Whatsmore, unlike most wools, it’s silky soft and can be worn against baby’s delicate skin. In short at NBS we love merino!
Now’s a great time to stock up on your merino supplies with some fantastic spring sale bargains to be had over at our store. So have a browse, or read on to find out more about marvelous merino and some of our very favourite products! :)
Great reductions: Bambino Merino Long Sleeved Body - Petal was: £19.95 now: £17.96
Tummy Time
There’s nothing more beautiful than watching your newborn uncurl and explore her new body and, as she gets older, there’s tummy time, then sitting up, then toddler play. A Gabe & Grace Merino Baby Lambskin Rug will feel lovely on nudey baby skin and keep the little person warm on a cold floor as she explores and plays.
Gabe & Grace Merino Baby Lambskin Rug - Large was: £65.00 now: £58.50
Merino Improves Baby Sleep
Life with a young baby can be pretty full-on at times, so it’s wonderful if you can relax when they sleep and not constantly worry about their temperature. If your baby sleeps in merino you know that they won’t overheat (as long as you maintain a sensible temperature in their room).
If you’ve chosen to swaddle experts agree that merino is one of the best materials available. Have a read of this post to find out more. Lovely merino sleepwear is also available.
And as baby grows you can transition them into a merino sleeping bag (designed to last from 3 months to 2 years). At NBS we love Bambino Merino‘s version.
Bambino Merino Sleeping Bag in Ruby £53.96 down from £56.80 + 2 for £99
As babies become toddlers, the wonder fabric’s many uses grow with them. To start with you can invest in a toddler sleeping bag, my two-year-old loves her “‘eep bag”, it’s very much a part of our bedtime routine.
Year-round Toddlerwear
Merino daywear is also a great investment. You can wear it all year round and it washes on delicate cycle like a dream.
My little girl’s wardrobe is not huge, but one thing you will find is a large pile of long sleeved merino tops – I generally buy a few at the beginning of each season.
Long sleeved merino tops, perfect for layering: Nui Organics Long Sleeved Thermal Crew Top - Blush £19.50
In winter, she wears the merino tops two-at-a-time layered under cotton dresses or with trousers and a lightweight merino hoodie (which double as a nappy bag essential in early-summer’s quickly cooling evenings both Nui Organics and Merino Kids do lovely versions).
Then the layers peel away through spring down to a single layer in summer, the long sleeves giving protection from the sun, teamed with shorts or a skirt. Then into Autumn the layers pile on and off again depending on the topsy-turvy sometimes hot, sometime cold weather we seem to get at that time of year.
Merino Kids Rib Hoodie - Natural. Was: £26.95 now: £18.87 Daywear in winter and a nappy bag essential in summer
Nui Organics Merino Hooded Jacket - Ruby £45.00
Yes, as you can see I am a massive fan of merino kidswear – but it’s all well and good me banging on about my own experiences, some of you might rightly want to know how the fibre actually works. I went over to Merino Kids fantastic site which explains things really clearly:
“The main benefit of merino is its incomparable ability to maintain a comfortable micro-climate between body and bedding. Unlike synthetics, Merino breathes and controls moisture meaning that it has the natural ability to respond to changes in temperature. This unique garment property helps keep young ones cool when it is hot and warm when it is cold.”
As we emerge from our collective NYE hangover, the news as usual is full of doom over binge drinking – especially teenage binge drinking.
It’s a grim thought to imagine that a decade down the line, our beaming babies and angelic toddlers will be rebellious teens ready to swipe the contents of our drinks cabinet if we dare turn our backs.
Time to lock the drinks cabinet
But a BBC report I read this morning will cheer any parents out there who, like me, aim to create a secure attachment with their babies and pre-schoolers.
Apparently, “high levels of parental attachment when children were aged under five significantly reduced the chances of them drinking excessively later in life.”
A big thumbs up then for breastfeeding, co-sleeping and baby carrying – who knew that the NHS could prevent alchohol-induced A&E visits and save millions, by simply issuing a sling to all new parents!!
Attachment to under-5s can prevent binge drinking in later life
According to the report, “parenting style is one of the strongest influences on how a child drinks as a young adult.”
The secret, apparently, is to be warm and affectionate to your kids until age 10 then combine this with discipline – ages 15 and 16, especially, need more supervision.
The study by independent think tank Demos looked at 15,000 children born in the UK in the last 40 years.
Love family mealtime
Important factors included whether the family shared meals, how much time was spent together, whether parents knew where their teenage kids were in the evenings and how often household rules were broken.
One conclusion, that doesn’t come as a massive surprise, was that bad parenting at 16 saw teenagers 8-times more likely to binge drink and over twice as likely to drink heavily at 34.
Being too strict can be as damaging as being overly casual.
Reassuringly though the report concluded that being authoritarian with kids is as ineffective as being overly casual.
“Tough love” is key, it claims, which according to demos consists of children conforming to negotiable rules and parents giving kids some autonomy in decision making.
What do you think? Does the connection between early-parenting and teen binge drinking make sense to you? What’s your style of parenting? We’d love to hear!
This could be relevant to anyone spending Christmas with family!
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care
“Help! I’m getting so frustrated with the endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matter what I do, I’m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stop dispensing all this unwanted advice?”
Just as your baby is an important part of your life, he is also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to you and your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this may give you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaves everyone’s feelings intact.
Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it’s rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning person’s comments. You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways:
Listen first
It’s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen – you may just learn something valuable.
Disregard
If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, “Interesting!” Then go about your own business…your way.
Agree
You might find one part of the advice that you agree with. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.
Pick your battles
If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on your walk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won’t have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, don’t capitulate on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.
Steer clear of the topic
If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry to sleep, but you would never do that, then don’t complain to him about your baby getting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic, then distraction is definitely in order, such as, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”
Educate yourself
Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doing your best for your baby.
Educate the other person
If your “teacher” is imparting information that you know to be outdated or wrong, share what you’ve learned on the topic. You may be able to open the other person’s mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read.
Quote a doctor
Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, “My doctor said to wait until she’s at least six months before starting solids.” If your own doctor doesn’t back your view on that issue, then refer to another doctor – perhaps the author of a baby care book.
Be vague
You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. For example, if your sister asks if you’ve started potty training yet (but you are many months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, “We’re moving in that direction.”
Ask for advice!
Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a few issues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance. She’ll be happy that she is helping you, and you’ll be happy you have a way to avoid a showdown about topics that you don’t agree on.
Memorize a standard response
Here’s a comment that can be said in response to almost any piece of advice: “This may not be the right way for you, but it’s the right way for me.”
Be honest
Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, “I know how much you love Harry, and I’m glad you spend so much time with him. I know you think you’re helping me when you give me advice about this, but I’m comfortable with my own approach, and I’d really appreciate if you’d understand that.”
Find a mediator
If the situation is putting a strain on your relationship with the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you.
Search out like-minded friends
Join a support group or on-line club with people who share your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising their babies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to face people who don’t understand your viewpoints.
This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)
Happy times around the tree...
Ah, the family Christmas: children skipping happily around the tree, and on up to bed at seven; babies cooing gently and sleeping soundly on-cue and pigs flying merrily around Granny’s roast turkey.
In reality this day of supposed joy and goodwill can be anything but, especially when you throw sleep-deprived parents and too much red wine into the mix!
It was our first family Christmas. Isobel was six-months-old, in the grip of teething, and we’d just flown 24-hours from New Zealand to the UK. In short, we were exhausted.
Arriving at my mum’s newly renovated house, we were a bedraggled mess. Whilst my Step-Dad proudly showed my partner, Marc, the new carpets and the refurbished cellar (now a smart study) I dealt with our screaming jet-lagged baby, struggling to change her nappy.
Unfortunately, she rolled off the change mat and peed on the brand new carpet before I could replace the soggy nap. When I told my Step-Dad later (why I told him, I cannot say) he was not impressed.
Venturing forth for Christmas
For many new parents, family Christmas is the first time they venture forth for an overnight stay with babe in tow. It’s a time of great joy of course; but undeniably one of friction too. You may have at last established some kind of rhythm to your day – but will it last in this new environment full of people coming-and-going?
In these close confines, you might also see your parenting choices called into question: raised eyebrows if baby comes into bed with you, comments about her being hungry if you’re breastfeeding exclusively and she wakes frequently at night.
Throwaway statements such as ‘oh the reason so-and-so doesn’t sleep is because you didn’t put them in a cot when they were very little,’ can be hurtful when you’re already tired and over-wrought.
This all sounds terribly negative, and of course Christmas with the family is not all doom-and-gloom.
It’s a rare treat to be surrounded by so many willing hands to carry and entertain your little one and it’s a wonderful time for Granny and Granddad to bond with their new grandchild.
A wonderful time to bond.
Take advantage of all the help, put your feet up and enjoy a glass of fizz… And if there are awkward or challenging moments have a re-read of this post!
The Secrets to a – relatively – Serene Christmas with the Family
Prepare yourself mentally
And no, I don’t mean you should go in guns-blazing with a pre-prepared argument on why ‘breast is best’ and why ‘no thanks, you won’t be giving your little one formula to help her sleep through the night’ (although allowing yourself a mental rant, which goes no further than your brain or perhaps a hushed conversation with your partner, is perfectly acceptable )
You’ll already be aware if your parents or in-laws harbour radically different parenting attitudes to your own – and this certainly doesn’t go for all Grandparents. Many will be incredibly supportive of anything you choose to do and all will be trying to help, in their own special ways.
Try and focus on all the good things that the Grandparents are doing and take everything else with a pinch of salt: smile, agree vaguely, then carry on with whatever you were doing before.
Stay zen - try meditation. If that fails, squirrel away a bottle of cava!
Remember that parenting-mores were pretty different back when the older generation had kids. It’s only fifty or so years since standard practice saw babies placed in their prams alone in the garden for hours on end because ‘fresh air was good for them.’ My mum actually remembers lying in the pram in her garden!
You could take some hospital literature on up-to-date parenting practices (people are likely to trust anything with an NHS letterhead!). Or take your favourite parenting mag and subtly leave it on the kitchen table with the appropriate page open. Also there’s a raft of parenting sites out there, you can always jump on the forums if you need some moral support. Have a read of Elizabeth Pantley’s post on dealing with unwanted advice – she wrote author The No Cry Sleep Solution.
One more piece of advice, don’t disregard everything the olds suggest out-of-hand. My mum thought it would be a good idea for me to swaddle my daughter, I disagreed at the time. Looking back I regret my decision. I think she would have slept better and felt more secure, newly out of the womb, if I had followed my mum’s advice.
Get your man onboard
This is especially important with the in-laws. You can speak your mind to your own parents, but it’s harder with your man’s – diplomacy is needed.
It’s worth sitting down (OK reality check, grabbing a couple of minutes in between feeds and nappy changes) to discuss your stances on the perennially thorny topics of feeding and sleeping. Try to come to some kind of consensus before Christmas with the family then you can show a united front.
You might want to ask your partner if he’ll do the talking when a controversial topic comes up with his parents and agree to do the same with your own.
Try to show a united front: no need to super-glue your heads together though.
Grannies have feelings too!
I also try to be mindful of how it feels for Grandparents. Many years down the track, when you’re own daughter has a child she will naturally open up to you, but when your son’s partner is the mum you may feel ever so slightly excluded. (Massive generalisation, I know: some mothers and daughters don’t speak, some daughters-in-law get on better with their partner’s family than there own. Real families are many shades of grey.)
Bearing this in mind, I always go out of my way to involve the in-laws (I hope they agree if they read this!). Doing this also means you can set your own boundaries, ie. you might want privacy whilst breastfeeding in the early days and if Granny-in-law has just had a ten minute cuddle with her Grandson she’s less likely to feel left out.
I once read a quote from a Granny, I can’t remember the exact wording but it said something along the lines of “until my Grandchildren were born, I didn’t realise I would love them even more than my own children.”
So to sum up: for a serene family Christmas show a united front with your man, be understanding but firm to everyone else – and if all else fails, at least there’ll be a plentiful supply of Cava!
